As you move forward, you will become more emotionally intelligent about you and your own progress. Things will start to make sense. Things will fall apart. Things will appear. Things are not as they seem at first. Remember, as a scientist you are are always making sense of the data coming in but to do this, you must look at it from a birds eye view, up 30K feet as well as being right there when it comes in down on the ground in the weeds. It’s in that breadth between the two that you will find pure stillness and strength to comprehend this new discovery.
Remember that patterns repeat themselves, so be smart about day 1 as compared to day 100, because you’ve been there done that before and this time, this time you get to choose a different path, a different response and then you will change the entire experience. Not only for you but for everyone involved. You will send out a ripple of courage and strength taking charge of your own future and that is sexy. That is pure joy. You are becoming more aligned within your own thoughts and actions. That’s HOT!
Until, then you will waffle. Just like a weeble wobble, you just can’t stop moving baby, back and forth, back and forth. And that is OK, but not for to long because that is a pattern repeating itself over and over and THATS when you know you have to break through. Maybe that means breaking UP, or breaking OUT or breaking from WITHIN, but where you see a fissure, know for sure there will be a break. The question becomes not when but HOW. The worst part is when we see the damn about to break and we just turn our backs only to be swept away out of control when the water breaks through, and that ride can feel like Shlitterbahn without a tube hitting every joint on the enclosed tube before dropping you out into the ocean of life like a toilet bowl flushing. (If you’ve been there, you know what I’m talking about both in life and metaphorically speaking!)
I’m here to tell you that it’s OK. I’ve done both and am still here to tell you about it. Dieing is not the worst thing that can happen. And at times, I thought it would relieve my pain, but when it’s all over, it’s really not that bad. Like women who give birth, there is a hormone that helps them forget the pain. Well, we all have it. It works to save us from ourselves. We are awesome. We are incredible living breathing machines that just want pure bliss, but our experience while here on this planet is divine.
When I had to start chemo, I was so scared but I knew that if I didn’t do it then my life would be cut short by 24% and that just wouldn’t DO. No thank you. I will have that, where do I sign? So, I would get to the chemo room early, so I would have the nurses full attention, nothing would push me off schedule and then I even got the remote control to the TV in our room. I even started greeting all the ladies that eventually showed up and soon offered them Girl Scout cookies. I figured, if I was going to puke then I wanted it to smell like mint cookies and not broccoli! So, every round of chemo, I brought a box of cookies and you know what? I never puked. EVER. I tried to get in front of the situation. I wanted to know all the details. What I didn’t know was how my body would respond, so I had to just meditate and pray that it worked for me. And it did. I’d wake up at 4:30am to meditate, and because it was Day One of chemo and I’d have to do it more than once, I took it seriously. So when the nurse said to hydrate, I started three days prior to hydrate by making batches of homemade yogi tea. I took all the info about what I need to do and made it my own science project.
Strength is when you do things you’ve never done before. When you can overcome challenges large and small to take a step forward from a grounded place in life. Well, my grounded place seemed like I was on a surfboard but that was better than being without an inner tube! I have to say that I had NO IDEA I had any strength because at the time I was beaten down and broken open. I felt like a puddle, laying on it’s back. I’d been snowboarding through life with my Bogner outfit and then BAM! I was on the ground flat on my back, with the wind knocked out of me, board no where to be found and clothes popped off all around me like I was at a garage sale. It happens to us all. Either in a car accident, or relationship, or job or with friends and loved ones. It happens every single day and you might not even notice how many bodies lay strewn at your feet, because you may have been the one to hit THEM!
YOU are in charge of YOU. There is no one else at the helm. No one else to blame. No one to get mad at. It’s all You. And once that becomes clearer and slightly in more focus, then you will tap into that inner strength that is your PRANA and breath it in like Sleeping Beauty who is finally waking up. Wow! Where have I been all this time? And who are you? Where am I? Now, get up and GO!