Morning Meditation and the Gecko’s Leap of Faith #artofrreceiving

About a week ago, I was on my front porch for my usual morning meditation.  It’s quiet out there and to the west I have a set of wind chimes hanging while the entire area is surrounded by plants or the house.  Typically, I face East which is toward the house, but that day I wanted to turn towards my right a bit, and I ended up facing the front door.  Out of the corner of my right eye, I caught a glimpse of the pillar and as I turned to see what it was, a small little gecko is on the brick support for the pillar and about eye level with me.  He is about three feet from me and when I notice him he turns his head away from like he’s hiding.  I put my hand out towards him and look around the corner of the post to catch his eye and seeing me, he quickly turns all the way around and is now facing me.

Sitting back now that I’ve got his attention, I am still cooing to him in lovely tones, and then I put my hand out to him as if he wants to come see me.  Then, he quickly moves forward crouching off the end of the brick lip and I know he is about to jump, when I must have closed my eyes and yelped unconsciously, because a split second later I opened my eyes, and still facing the same direction, I instantly hear a sound burst of my voice bounce off of the neighbors garage in the distance.

Completely surprised that to hear my own voice echoing back at me and not remembering saying anything, the gecko is not on his perch any more.  I immediately look down at my lap and since I’m wearing what I slept in, I see the bright green and red colors from my scooby doo Christmas boxers and notice, but I’m not sure from the bright green in my boxers which is about the same color as the gecko, but maybe it’s a little tail among the folds? I immediately look around for the gecko and even move out of being seated in an easy pose, but no gecko.

The thought did occur to me that maybe it’s all a dream?  Maybe it’s not real?  I swore there was a gecko there a second ago.  Wow, I am thinking.  The world is so powerful.  Accepting the experience as a gift, I rest back into easy pose staring towards the front door and am about to close my eyes to start meditating when to the left I see the gecko about three feet away from me!

Not even skipping a beat, I turn my head back to center, close my eyes and meditate.  And you know I have not been out there since this happened?  That gecko took about a half second to decide to take a leap of faith onto me and heck, I had my hand out and was calling to him.  Why not?!?  If I were the gecko I would have done the same thing.  But seriously, why did I not accept the fact that he was coming to me, close my eyes, and yelp? It’s called receiving and it’s been a tough transition to learn how to not push away good things coming my way.  I know it sounds crazy, but receiving has been my topic of learning and it’s scary for me.

The gecko is teaching me that taking a leap of faith is necessary and fun.  Even when there is a welcome mat set out for the experience, there is so much to learn because you have no idea what to expect really.  And that’s when I am learning to be consciously aware of what I am saying and doing because it is all coming!  The leap of faith is not only about jumping but accepting what is coming to you.

The gecko showed no fear.  Just accepted my invitation and come to me.  I hope I didn’t scare him when he landed and then stayed hidden most likely among my boxer shorts and then continued on his way.

The Hawk Returns: Nature No Matter What

As a business development consultant, I make time to look back at the past thirty days of work, looking at who I was working with, what I was doing, how I can be better at my job and for my own projects, reflecting on my own personal and professional progress in life.  Today was one of those days.

Even though just recently I had a beautiful experience while visiting with a friend that I met just about five years ago, when I was interviewing to be a volunteer for CanCare support group before she moved to Austin to work for St. David’s.  Keeping up as friends on Facebook meant just seeing photos of her move and her beautiful daughter until I started venturing Austin and decided to make an Austin Lovelies Messenger group that included her.  With past trips to Austin, I was texting one or two friends at a time to meet up and have fun while in town, but now I was connecting on a whole new level.  Instead of reaching out to one person at a time, I was now stating what was going on with me and letting my friends connect with me if they chose, and that was my friend Kim.

Meeting at Cenote just made my heart sing, because I was there earlier in the day and then on our way to meet a a different location, we both texted each other that we didn’t feel like paying for parking, so we should just meet back at Cenote, and we did!

With my journal out and listening intently on Kim share the differences between Houston and Austin and what’s happening with survivors, she looks down at my journal that has owls on every page, and then out of the corner of my eye I see something flash over our heads and then we are both amazed to see a massive Hawk has landed on the tree not to far from us and it looks as if he caught something in the process!

In a flash we were both on our feet and getting closer to the hawk that sat in a branch about 12′ from our heads as the guy next to me is focusing his camera on the bird.  Out loud I say, Does he or she have something in her claws?  What is that?  And he says showing me his phone, Yes and the bird is dying as we speak with her talons piercing the bird.  The hawk had such an strong and centered aire about her that we all just stood there silently, and by now there was a little crowd.  Her hair was pointy as if she was in the water earlier, and she stared off into the distance after checking us out.  Not wanting to wait any more, I dashed to my purse to get my phone to take my own photo and then as I turned to go back, the hawk left. I should have just continued staring at her.  She was magnificent.  Especially with her prey in her clutches.  What amazing grace and presence.

As thrilling as that experience is in my memory, when I looked through my journal to the beginning, I notice that I had the same sort of experience while reading in the park.  The pool had already closed for the fall, as I showed up ready to relax and read after working in the house for to long.  I’d never sat at this park, but as I did I continued to read a book by Mercedes Kirkel when something caught the corner of my right eye or it could have been the sound, and in a split second as I looked up from my book, a beautiful hawk swooped down towards the ground right in front of my view and about 12′ from my table.  It was so fast that all I could do was not blink as I heard myself utter, wow.  Another second later, I turned to see where she had went and she was high up in a tall tree about 60′ off the ground just hanging out on a branch.  I watched her for as long as I could.  Until I looked away, and then when I looked back at the branch, she was gone.

For me, nature is an amazing place to notice movements, sounds, and wind as I go to clear my thoughts.  It started as a suggestion by Katherine Ashby, the Feng Shui Master of Houston as a place to ground and be with the earth.  And it has supremely helped me anchor myself into the earth.  My clients are the creative type and throughout our coaching and consulting, I bring in meditations, breathing exercises and intention to break through unconscious blocks so that together we can cocreate with passion and love and the intention to share something special with the community.  Their work is their work.  My job is to bring it out into the world for everyone to see and engage with.  I love my job.  And the hawk’s are ever present reminding me to keep the birds eye view which is only heightened when I am thoroughly grounded.  And finally, notes to myself: Don’t look away from anything magical. Someone else will have the photo to share with you!

Curse of the Healer

Recently I was having wine with a two girlfriends and after listening to my new friend, who is also a Reiki healer talk about healing, I finally figured she would be able to help me out with an issue that has randomly popped up in my work.  I explained to her that I adore my clients, friends and patients and found that sometimes when I get really close to their situation and provide helpful intervention, then our relationship changes.  It’s as if, I got to close or saw deep inside, which I do, and then they want to close up and run away from either fear or embarrassment, and I wasn’t sure which.

For example, with one of my clients in the middle of radiation and chemotherapy treatment, we worked together to get to the root of the cause of her dis-ease with life and we laughed and worked and I gave her time in between sessions to really get comfortable with the transformation that was happening before my eyes.  Yet, when we were done with our sessions and we still met as friends, everything changed.  We had a great time, and she urged me to continue teaching and that she would always be a great supporter.  Fast forward and now she won’t take my calls and she won’t tell me exactly why.  I’m concerned that she might have been re-diagnosed, but then it doesn’t have to be about me.  I figured, once I became her teacher and guru which means, taking one from darkness to light, I was more interested in helping those that needed me and keeping my energy high.

While drinking wine and speaking openly, my Reiki friend says to me, It’s the cure of the healer Sandy.  You did get close and you were able to help her through a rough time and transform her life, but now she has moved on just as you have.  She has shut that door and is most likely doing great and moving forward with her life.  She sees  you as part of her journey and so, that is part of her past when she didn’t know what she knows now.

I’m thinking to myself, Sandy, how would you feel if you saw someone from your past, like your first husband? Before, when you were going through breast cancer, friends asked you if you’d ever return to Geneva.  And now you are planning to visit!

For me, it’s all part of the larger healing process.  I feel in my heart that someday I will lovingly see my first husband just as my past client will some day see me and not feel a thing.  It will pass.  I won’t evoke a memory of past pain to my client and seeing my first husband will be like seeing an old friend.  Everyone is set up in our lives for a reason and to teach us something about ourselves.  At least that is what I believe.  I will not return to dis-ease with past experiences over and over again.  They have all been removed or I have let them settle so that over time I could change the perspective and see the blessings.  A guy I dated in my past called it Flipping the Script.

Flipping the script takes deep inner searching to happen, and here is my own example.  Just like my radial oncologist explained to me that my dis-ease with life started when I got married, now I happily share that my marriage took me all over the world and spending a year in Geneva is where I met so many great friends who are coming to visit me next week!  All it takes is time and my work is to help others get through transformations in less than 8 years.